In Another Life
by Emmel1118
Summary: (A/U beginning at the start of Series 5) Rachel knew it was going to be hard without Eddie by her side, but on her first day of work after that fateful day she realises something that makes it so much harder. Melissa's not the only one pregnant with Eddie's baby...
1. Prologue

_**Hello everybody! This is my first foray into Waterloo Raod fanfic, so I hope you like it.**_

_Prologue_

It's raining, as Rachel crosses the car park. The rain is slicing across the landscape, cold bullets hitting the tarmac with repetitive precision. She opens the car door and slips inside. She lifts her bag over her lap and sets it on the empty passenger seat. Rachel brings her hand up to her forehead, massaging it with her palm. It's been a long first day of term and she's tired. Today has been hard, what with the merger not going completely to plan and with Lindsay and Emily's father dying. There has been so much mess today and all Rachel wants to do is go home, have a glass of wine and talk it through her can't talk it through, though, because the only person waiting for her at home is Philip and she can't really talk to him about this, now can she?

She knows who she wants to talk to. She wants to talk to him desperately, it's like an ache in her chest, and yet she knows she can't. If she calls him, she won't be able to let go of him again, like she already has. Anyway, it would be wrong, because she's got to let him live his life, with his child put first and not her. Rachel has got to give him that one chance. If she is being honest - really, really honest – she would say she misses him. But she doesn't want to be honest, she wants to live in denial-land, where it doesn't really matter that Eddie's gone.

Her head snaps up when a fist is tapped on the glass of the car window. She sees Kim smiling at her from under an umbrella and leans over to open the passenger side door. Kim's head appears and Rachel puts on a fake smile. "Hello, Kim." Rachel says, brightly – in complete odds to the weather. It wasn't this miserable earlier, but it seems to be mirroring Rachel's mood.

"I just wanted to ask if you have the advanced schedule for next month's course." Kim asks, and Rachel sighs. She received the schedule for the fire safety course in that morning's post, but she's forgotten to hand it to Kim, the member of staff tasked with attending. Rachael nods, watching the rain make patterns on the window next to her.

"Yeah, but I've left it in my office. I'll put it in your pigeon hole tomorrow." Kim nods, and looks like she's about to go, but then her face appears in the car doorway again.

"Rachael, are you okay? You look really pale." As Kim speaks, Rachel's eyes flick to the car mirror and she notices that she actually does look quite pale. She puts it down to how hard she's worked herself today.

"Yeah, yeah don't worry. I'll be okay." She says, nodding to back up her words. Kim nods, and Rachel can tell she wants to say something, but is hesitating. "Go on, Kim; say whatever you want to say. I'm sure I won't mind." For a second, Rachel thinks that Kim will make her apologises and leave, but she doesn't.

"The new guy, what's-his-name – oh, Max. Yeah, Max. He's really different to Eddie isn't he? I mean, like as different as two blokes could be, right?" Rachel closes her eyes; she's almost expected someone to mention Eddie today, and she has been vaguely surprised that no one has mentioned him. 'Till now, that is.

Rachel nods, and gives Kim a strained smile. "Oh, yes, Mr Tyler and Eddie are completely different." Kim seems to sense that mentioning Eddie has upset Rachel, but she knows better than to bring it up.

"Okay," Kim announces, glancing over her shoulder. "I'd better be going." Rachel nods at her colleague as Kim turns back out into the rain. As soon as Kim is out of sight, Rachel slumps back in her seat. She feels like utter, utter crap, but still, she makes herself sit up straight, switch the car on and drive home. By the time she's arrived at her house, the rain has seemed to have stopped. She grabs her bag and opens her car door. She makes her way to the door, fumbling in her bag for her keys until she finds them. She opens the door quickly and shuts it behind her.

"I'm home, Philip." Rachel calls out into the near empty home. When he doesn't answer, she assumes that he's gone out somewhere. She's too tired to create any theories as to why and she decides she'll call him if he doesn't call or turn up by nine. She walks in the kitchen, hanging up her coat as she comes through. She opens a cupboard and pulls out a bottle of wine. Rachel isn't the sort of person who drinks wine at half six in the evening immediately after returning home from work, but she needs it today – her first day back at work without Eddie, and it didn't go well at all. She's at odds with Max already – she doesn't like his teaching style or him as a person – and the merger is turning into a disaster.

She pours the wine into a glass and sets it on the table. She pulls a chair out and sinks into a chair. Just as she raises the wine glass to her lips, she feels a wave of nausea overtake her. She drops the glass and it shatters into a thousand tiny pieces, the red liquid seeping on to the table, but she doesn't notice as she rushes from the kitchen. She gets to the toilet just in time to empty the contents of her stomach. When she's finished, she leans up against the wall, her knees drawn up to her chest. The nausea is gone now, and she just feels drained. She searches as she what has just caused her to throw up. She hasn't eaten any dodgy food recently, neither has a bug been passing round the school, to the most of her knowledge.

Then she sees the pile of unopened toiletries in the half open cupboard and it hits her like a sledge hammer to the guts. She's late. She's late and she just threw up. She knows what that possibly means, she's not stupid. Once again, Rachel wants desperately to go to denial-land, but she can't, because it won't all go away if she closes her eyes. She has to know, one way or another.

She stands, shakily, and flushes the loo. She washes her hand and she watches her fingers shaking under the cold spray. She wants to reassure herself that everything will be okay, but she knows that it probably won't be. Eddie's gone, how could it be okay?

She takes her coat off of the hook and puts it on. Just as she's about to leave, she hears a key scratching the lock in the back door. She waits for a few seconds, until Philip appears, framed by the dark in the kitchen doorway. "Hi, Rachel." He acknowledges, and she smiles at him. "You going out?" He says, gesturing at her coat and the keys poised in her hand.

Rachel nods, and Philip nods back. Before she can say another word, he turns and darts up the stairs. She calls after him. "I'll be back soon."

She swings open the front door and walks down her front path. The air is moist and crisp and Rachel guesses that it will rain later. Rachel just hopes it won't rain whilst she's walking to the shops.

As she's walking down her road, she weighs up her situation. She could be pregnant with Eddie's child. Could is the all-important word because if she's not, things will be much simpler. But would it? Eddie would still be gone and Rachel would still be in love with a ghost. Eddie's a ghost to her now, and his memory keeps fading every single day she lives without him. She's scared that one day she'll wake up and she won't remember how he used to make her feel when he held her, how much she cherished his whispered I love you's, said to her in the middle of the night when he thought she was sleeping. She never thought she could miss a person as much as she misses him right at this moment. She knows she loves him, and that makes it all so much worse.

She's so caught up in her own thoughts; she nearly walks straight past the pharmacy. She stares at the door for a few seconds, until she realises she's blocking the entrance. She goes in and her eyes are instantly drawn to the display that is pride of place in the middle of the pharmacy. She reads the words on the poster – _do you think your expecting?_ - as she feels another wave of nausea run rampant. She gags, hoping against hope she will not throw up in the shop. The nausea passes after a few seconds, and Rachel makes her way the stand. She reads the words again, and the reality of the situation hits her. She could be pregnant. a 's baby. She sighs and picks up a handful of tests. There's only one way to find out.

She weaves her way to the counter, past endless displays. She sets the tests down on the counter and the cashier gives her a beaming smile. Rachel doesn't return it. She gratefully pays and sweeps the tests into her handbag. She hurries from the shop; she doesn't want anyone catching her here, because there would be a lot of explaining to do if she ran into a student or a colleague right now.

She walks quickly home, wanting to get it all over and done with. When she gets to the front door, she accidently lets the keys slip out of her fingers and they fall to the ground. She grumbles and picks them up. Rachel inserts them into the lock and hears it turn. She removes the keys and swings the door open. She calls to Philip again, and gets a vacant 'yes', as a reply.

Rachel dumps her handbag on the table, and removes the tests from within. She considers hiding them under her jumper, so that Philip doesn't see them, but she can't be bothered with the secrecy. If she is pregnant, she can't keep it from him for long. She wonders what he will think if she tells him she's having Eddie's baby as well as his mum.

She trudges up the stairs and into the bathroom. Then, she locks the door and she proceeds to open each test. She takes each one, one after the other, setting them upside down on the rim of the bath when she's done. Rachel washes her hand and perches on the toilet seat, nervously watching the three minutes tick down.

It seems like the longest three minutes she has ever endured, but when it ends, she waits a few more seconds until she turns them over. Rachel gasps when she sees the four tests, all in a row, each informing her in their own special way that she's pregnant. She reaches for one of the tests, but her coordination seems to have failed her and she knocks the test into the bath instead, and it hits the fibreglass with a resounding thud. The test rattles around the smooth tub for few moments longer before coming to a halt.

She's pregnant.

She feels a tear slide down her cheek as she comes to terms with the revelation. She wonders how far she's gone and how she hasn't noticed it before. She must be about six or seven weeks, because there hasn't been anyone since Eddie, and this also makes it crystal clear as to the identity of the father. It has to be Eddie.

Her legs turn to jelly and she crashes to the ground. Rachel curls up in a ball, as the tears start falling in earnest now. Melissa probably hasn't even given birth yet, and here Rachel is pregnant with the same man's child. Their father would be _so_ proud - if he still actually talked to Rachel, that is, which he doesn't. Rachel's not sure if he even talks to Melissa these days. Their family is just _so _perfect.

She sits up, wiping away her tears. There's nothing she can do now to change her situation. She's pregnant and there's nothing she can do to stop that. She gets to her feet slowly, feeling wobbly. She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and realises that she looks a state.

She splashes her face with water, the spray mixing with her tears so that they become indistinguishable from each other. Rachel straightens up and makes one of the biggest decisions of her life, all in a snap second.

She isn't going to tell Eddie. He's just started his life with Melissa and their child; she doesn't want to ruin that with her own news. Even though Eddie is the father, Rachel just can't face telling him that she's carrying his child, so she's not going to. She knows it's selfish but she just can't, she really can't.

She gathers the tests up and dumps them in the bin. Before she unlocks the door and leaves the safe haven the room has become, Rachel puts her hand on her stomach, marvelling at the tiny baby that is developing under her fingertips. She's going to be a mother. She can't quite believe it.

She unlocks the door and crosses the hall to Philip's bedroom. She pauses outside, her fist in mid-knock. She cannot work out how to tell him. She isn't going to do a Melissa, she knows that; she's not going to wait until she gets a bump to tell him – no, she has to do it, now, really. Rachel knocks, her knuckles rapping on the wood with quiet uncertainty. Philip calls 'come in' from within, as Rachel nervously wrings her fingers together. She pushes the door open, and comes face to face with her nephew.

"I…I…I," She starts, stumbling over her words. "I wanted a word." Philip looks up from his laptop, shutting the lid a few seconds later, when he sees Rachel's pale face.

"Is this about the spilt wine on the kitchen table? I cleaned it up, but it wasn't me, I swear. I don't know what happened-" Before Philip can ramble any further, Rachel stops him in his tracks.

"That was me, Philip. Thank you for clearing it up." She takes a deep breath, taking a couple of steps into the room, over to his bed. As she speaks, she starts smoothing out his bedcovers, giving her hands something other than squeezing the life out of each other to do. "Philip, I've got something quite important to tell you." She tries to form the words, but her mouth goes dry and the words won't come out.

"What is it, Rach?" Philip asks, and Rachel can hear the concern in his tone. He's turned his chair now, so that he's looking straight at her, which she finds worse. It was easier staring at the back of his head instead of his face.

"I'm…" She starts, but again the words just dry up on the way from her brain to her mouth. She looks away from Philip, her eyes fixing on a chimney in the far distance out of the window.

"Rachel?"

"I'm pregnant." She blurts out, and instantly feels a weight lift off of her shoulders. She's told Philip, the first step in accepting it herself. He looks at her for a long moment, and Rachel feels like a deer in headlights. She's got no idea how he's going to react.

"And it's Eddie Lawson's, isn't?" The accusation catches Rachel unawares. Her eyes flick back and meet Philip's and she doesn't even have to say a word, because she communicates her answer just with her gaze. She speaks anyway.

"Yes. The baby is his." Rachel says, slowly. Philip nods, awkwardly.

"Before you asks, no, I don't know where he and mum went." It's Rachel's turn to nod, taking in Philip's statement.

"I don't know either."

"What are you going to do?"

"I've really got no idea, Philip. I wish I could say I did…" She pauses and looks up at her nephew. She can see the question in his eyes, and she answers it before he can say it.

"No," She stops, breathing in deeply. "I'm not going to find him." She stops again, turning to look out the window again. "And no, I'm not going to tell him either." After a long, painful moment, Philip nods, accepting her decision. Rachel herself nods, before she swivels on her heels and exits Philip's room, the door slamming behind her. She slides down the landing wall, until she's sitting on the carpet. She puts her hand to her stomach.

"Oh, what are we going to do?" She whispers, sadly, to her baby; the last thing she has of Eddie left.

…

_**Please read and review! Chapter one will be up soon!**_


	2. Chapter 1

_**A/N Okay, here is chapter 1, but before you start there are a couple of important points you might like to know. This story is A/U, as after she found out she was pregnant; Rachel decided to stay after the end of series 5. So therefore, she stays at Waterloo Road and as a result all the stuff that happened in the show hasn't happened in this fic – mainly, there was no move to Scotland, Waterloo Road is still located in Rochdale. So, I think that's all you need to know... **_

_Chapter 1_

Rachel slips into her seat behind her desk, but she isn't left alone for long. A few short, precious minutes later, the door bursts open and Rachel groans internally. She just wanted a few seconds of peace. Her morning has been hectic as it is, and she doesn't need to add teenage dramas to that list. "Mum, I can't believe Mr Hastings – he's given me a detention, _already_!" Rachel's sixteen year old daughter, Eleanor, complains. Rachel smirks slightly; she's already spoken to Darren Hastings that morning, telling her deputy not to be soft on her daughter, something he has been over the last couple of months.

"Well, you must have done something, Ellie?" Instead of answering, Eleanor dramatically launches herself into a vacant chair. Then, and only then, does her daughter answer her.

"I was tiny, _tiny,_ bit late to registration." Ellie announces, and Rachel shakes her head. She drove Eleanor in this morning, forty minutes early, and yet, she still manages to be late. Rachel isn't sure how she does it. This is the third time this term.

"How late?" Rachel asks. Ellie mumbles something that she doesn't catch, so Rachel repeats her question. After a little while longer of interrogation, Rachel manages to coax the answer out of her daughter.

"Ten minutes." Rachel despairs.

"How did you manage to be that late, Ellie?" She asks, seriously confused how her daughter can arrive forty minutes early and still end up being ten minutes late. Not that Rachel is expecting her to, Eleanor doesn't answer her.

She has gotten used to her daughter's behaviour over the past year and a bit, putting it down to being a teenager. Besides, Rachel cannot judge Eleanor for her little misdemeanours – behaving badly in class, turning up late and skiving lessons all together – for Rachel did much worse when she was a little bit older than Ellie, something she is ashamed about and, yet, it made her the woman she is today. "Look, Ells, I think you need to buck up your ideas, and quick. Your grades are slipping and you're popping up in the cooler more often than not these days. I know I'm the head teacher, but more importantly, I'm your mum." She wonders why she can get through to her students, but not her own flesh and blood. Rachel just wants her daughter to come good. She's clever, and used to be a goody two shoes who loved dressing up as a fairy. Rachel remembers her daughter's childhood with nostalgia and fondness – they never warn you enough how hard it is to live with teenagers, and her job can only prepare her so much for the joys and pitfalls that make up parenting. Her daughter now prefers to spend her weekends getting drunk and doing god knows what with the wrong sorts of people. Rachel can only hope that Ellie doesn't do anything near as stupid as she did when she was seventeen.

Her daughter stands up, shaking her head in disgust. "Just leave it, mum." Ellie shouts, storming from the office. Rachel puts her head in her hands and bemoans teenagers. Why did they have to be so tricky to deal with? Everything you do seems to be the wrong thing to do. Put a foot wrong and they pick up on it.

Rachel shakes her head and straightens up, just in time to see her bemused deputy standing in the door, holding a stack of paperwork and Rachel can tell he has just witnessed the end of the mother, daughter conversation. "All okay in the Mason household?" Darren asks, entering her office and shutting the door. He takes a couple of steps into the room and sits down.

"Yeah, you know what teenagers can be like. I tried telling her to stop messing about but she took it like I was telling her to stop living. God, why do they overreact so much? Why can't I have a nice mannered, civil daughter? What did I do wrong?" Rachel asks, in mock seriousness. Ellie may be a handful sometimes, but she's Rachel's daughter and she wouldn't change her for the world. She loves her.

"So I've got the applications for the head of maths job here, and as the interviews are this afternoon and you haven't had a look at them…" Darren points out, dropping the thick wodge of paper onto her desk. Rachel flicks through the pile of letters of application and the attached CV's. Darren looks up at her, a smile playing with his lips. He's in his mid-thirties, with two small kids and Rachel can tell, after working at Waterloo Road for now close six years, he's dreading the day with his two girls become teens. Rachel's met his wife, Fran, a couple of times and Rachel has to say that Darren is lucky. Just from the looks they gave each other, Rachel could tell that they have something special – that kind of true love that you can't see yourself but that is completely obvious to anyone else watching. Damn, they're lucky to be happy, because even if you realise that you have that love, it can always go wrong. Rachel can vouch for that, at least.

"I'll look later, but I've got lots on at the moment, what with the inter-schools spelling competition happening this afternoon. I've got make sure that Frank actually takes them this time – instead of just forgetting like the last time, you know what he's like." Darren nods.

"I mean, if you're so busy, you don't have to trawl through all of that. You could just sit in on the interviews, and I can ask all the questions. I know you're really run down at the mo, cause of Ell and everything." Darren inquires, and though she won't admit it, Rachel is glad for the offer. Darren is so much better than her at interviews, and he seems much more on top of the applications than she does, so it makes sense that he takes the lead. "If you don't mind me asking, what time did Eleanor come home last night?"

"Why?"

"Cause I'm worried about her." Darren explains, standing and making his way to the door.

"Aren't we all?" Rachel says, exasperated. She doesn't want to tell Darren that Ellie didn't come home until six in the morning and that Rachel has no idea where she was. She feels like she's fails as a parent every single time this happens. These trips out are becoming more regular – every Friday, now, she doesn't come home until the earlier hours of the morning, and Rachel has waited up for her every single time. To be honest, she's scared Eleanor will end up like her, something she is desperately trying to guard against. Rachel thinks that Ellie has her head screwed on too much to do anything as stupid as that, but she never knows.

Rachel always told herself not to worry about Eleanor following in her footsteps, but it's been something that's haunted her ever since her darling daughter turned fourteen and started hanging around with the wrong crowd people – harmless people really, just the really disruptive ones, the ones who love to pick a fight or bunk off, nothing too serious. Rachel is dreading the day something bad will happen to Ell, something every parent has nightmares about, and Rachel is no exception. She's always wondered, however, if things would be different if Ellie had had her father in her life.

There have been many times in the last sixteen years that Rachel has regretted her decision not to inform Eddie she was having his child. Top of that list is when she went into labour in her office, with only Kim, Steph and, the less than useless, Max there to help her. She had wanted Eddie there so much she had called his name. She can remember the looks on the faces of Kim and Steph when that had happened, because she had refused to talk about father of the baby to anyone. Rachel hadn't been deaf, however, and when she started to get a bump, the kids used to whisper constantly, every time she came down the corridor, rather too loudly for their own good. She'd heard what they were saying, and more than often, it was 'do you think Lawson's the dad?' or something along those lines.

It wasn't just the pupils, either. Quite often when entering the staffroom, the chatter would die down instantly and Rachel would know that they had been talking about her. One time, she'd paused in the doorway and listened to the conversation going on. She'd been right, they were talking about her – speculating as to whether Eddie was the dad and if he was, where the hell was he? She remembers smiling sadly to herself when she heard Tom saying angrily that if Eddie was the father, that he had a duty to come back and look after his kid. If only it was simple, she had though – and still thinks. If only…

Slowly climbing up the list of the times she's regretted not informing him he was going to be a dad; however – which included the day Eleanor had broken her leg playing netball – is now. Eleanor needs a father figure in her life to help to guide her away from the bad influences she is being exposed to.

Calling him and telling him about his daughter and her problems is out of the question for obvious reasons. Ellie is sixteen now, sixteen years Rachel's had to tell Eddie and sixteen years that she hasn't. Now, even though she doesn't want to think about, Rachel knows it's too late.

Sometimes she catches herself thinking about her niece or nephew, the one that is Eleanor's half sibling. She wonders if Philip has met him or her – something she doubts, because Rachel and Philip talk on the phone now and then and he would have mentioned it. Most of all she wonders what Eddie is like as a father to that child. Then, she wonders what he would have been like if he had been a father to her child. She knows it's wrong of her to think like this, it's her fault that Eddie remains blissfully unaware that he has fathered a child with her.

Rachel pushes the job application sheets to the side and picks up her phone and asks Lily, her secretary, to fetch Mr Carlson for her. She needs to make sure he's going to remember to take the spelling team to Forrest Mount.

…

She's just about to take a look at the job application sheets, when there is a knock at the door and Katie enters. Katie Jonson is the head of Pastoral Care at Waterloo Road, but has only been in the job for six months, and Rachel thinks she's doing a brilliant job so far. In front of her, is a burly boy, looking sullen. Rachel doesn't recognise him, but then realises that he must be the new boy. "Alex Ryan." Katie introduces, pushing him towards a seat. Katie slaps his paperwork down onto the table and Rachel skim reads it.

"So Alex," Rachel starts, but the boy's eyes are glued to the floor. Now addressing Katie, she speaks again. "Shouldn't a parent be here?" Katie shrugs, gesturing Alex. Rachel understands, the boy hasn't explained at all and Katie is hoping that Rachel can get through to the glowering young boy. Before she can ask him however, Alex surprises her by speaking up.

"No one could come, Miss." He offers up. Rachel nods, slowly – wondering what could be more important to his parents than helping their son settle into his new school. "My dad was going to come, I swear," He continues. "but mum called and she never calls him, so it must have been for something important." Rachel notes that, from what Alex is saying, that he lives with his dad and not his mum.

"Why couldn't your mum come?" Katie asks, sliding into a seat angled to face Alex.

"Cause I don't live with her, do I?" He says, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. "She lives in Manchester with her new fella. I only see her every other weekend, anyway." Alex says, shrugging like he doesn't care, but Rachel has an inkling that he does.

The bell goes and Katie digs inside a folder and pulls out Alex's timetable. She hands it to him, pointing out what lessons he has today and what form group he is in – Rachel notes that the new boy is in the same form group as Ellie. Rachel wishes the boy a good first day, and Katie leads him out of the room. Rachel sinks back down into her chair, feeling tired.

…

Rachel is sitting in her office, feeling quite contented. It's last period and Frank managed to get the spelling team to the tournament this time after Rachel's gentle reminder. Nothing much has gone wrong today. There have been no fights, no disruptive pupils, not much trouble in general. There has been some trouble, of course, some of the regular trouble makers have played up and refused to work or talked back to a teacher one too many times. Pupils like Will Fitzpatrick or Amy Lander, the king and queen of trouble at Waterloo Road at the moment. Rachel knows that in a few years, or even months, their spaces will be filled by somebody else. She's seen so many generations of students pass through this school that she's lost count but many students stand out. Bolton's one. She sometimes wonders what happened to that lad, if he finally made it good or if he reverted back to his old ways.

Another student is Lindsay James. That poor, poor girl, Rachel thinks, sadly. She likes to think that Lindsay made something of herself too; that she became a lawyer or a counsellor, someone who made a difference. She doesn't deserve to have her life messed up by what her father did to her.

Those two pupils were a long time ago now, though, andlots more students and their dramas that have passed through her school more recently – students like Matthew Turner, who left last year. When he started he was quite the little trouble maker, and soon it escalated when he set fire to his local shop. By the time Matt left, he was top of his year and hardly ever got into trouble. Rachel regards Matt as a success story. He is now at Uni studying foreign languages. He'd made it good.

Her moment ofreminiscence ends when she spies the clock. It's time for her to check up on the teachers and their lessons. There's one teacher she wants to keep an especially close eye on. James Quincy is a NQT English teacher, and Rachel's read the timetable, he's got third set year elevens now and Rachel wants to see how he's coping. James is a slight, wispy thing and Rachel can see him becoming intimidated by some of the burly, fierce looking year elevens. However, he might be doing fine and Rachel might have nothing to worry about. Somehow, she doubts it.

She checks on each lesson, leaving Mr Quincy's till last. She walks up the corridor, and even before she can see in through the big, glass, corridor facing windows, she knows something is up. The noise coming from the classroom is far too loud for a calm and controlled lesson.

Coming down the corridor towards her is Darren, and she remembers that he has the next door classroom. Rachel raises and eyebrow in his direction and he shakes his head in reply. They come to the door, just as the situation in the classroom comes to a head. James is cowering at the front, standing frozen. The kids are in uproar, screaming and shouting and generally causing a mess. James is trying in vain to get the class under control but he is failing miserably, just incurring a rash of insults from a group of boys sitting near the front.

As Rachel is about to push the door open, a boy in the third row pounds his fist onto the table, having had enough of the lesson and Mr Quincy. Rachel pauses. "I've had enough of this." He shouts. "Are you coming, El?" He says, and Rachel recognises him and the girl he's addressing. It's the new boy, Alex, and her daughter. Both stand at the same time, not noticing Rachel and Darren standing in the doorway. They make their way to the front, kicking chairs out of their way and pushing past other pupils. Mr Quincy tries in vain to gain control again, by standing in their way, but Alex just pushes past him as well. When he gets to the front, Alex calls behind him. "We don't have to take this anymore!" He gets a roar in reply from the other kids and they start following Ellie and his example, standing and trying to force their way to the front. It's now that Rachel and Darren know they have to intervene.

Rachel swings the door open. "What the _hell_ is going on?" Rachel shouts over the clamour in the room. Instantly, the noise dies down, and the students sit – all except Eleanor and Alex, who are still standing at the front. Everyone, including Mr Quincy, is staring at her open mouthed that they've been caught – everyone, or so she thought. Her own daughter won't look her in the eye. "Well?" She asks, addressing Mr Quincy, Alex and Ellie in particular. "The cooler, you two, now!" She barks and watches Ellie drag Alex with her from the room, looking rather sorry for themselves. She shakes her head, it's Alex's first day and he's already gotten into trouble.

She turns back so she's facing the whole class. "You should all be ashamed what has happened in here today." Several faces go bright red with embarrassment. "I hope I never see a repeat performance, or you'll all be in massive trouble." Rachel makes her way to the door, the class suitably tamed, at least for the moment. "Mr Quincy, you may continue with your lesson." Rachel turns and leaves the classroom, Darren hot on her heels. They walk to the cooler in silence.

When they get there, Ellie and Alex are sitting on opposite sides of the room, steadfastly looking away from each other. "Well, I'll start by saying how disappointed I am in you." She says, looking pointedly at Ellie."Especially you, Ellie. My own daughter…" She says, shaking her head. Alex turns and looks at Ellie then, obviously he hadn't known that Ellie is the head's daughter. "And it's your first day, Alex." She adds, gesturing at the boy. She looks at Darren and speaks in a low voice so that the other two occupants of the room don't hear her. "I'll let you deal with the punishment." She says, making her way to the door. "I've got something else I need to deal with."

…

A little while later, when Darren has clearly finished telling them off, Ellie appears in her doorway. "Mum, can I have a word?" She says, quietly. Rachel nods and Eleanor comes in, sliding into a seat opposite her. There something eating away at her daughter, and Rachel doesn't know what it is.

"El, what's wrong?" She says, sympathetically.

"I'm sixteen now, mum." Ellie says, quietly. Rachel can predict what Ellie is going to say and she really doesn't want to hear it. "I want to know about my father."

Rachel sighs. She hasn't told Ellie anything about her father. Nothing. Ellie only vaguely knows she has an aunt – but doesn't know why she's never met her. Rachel doesn't really want to remember Eddie or Melissa or what happened that meant that Melissa's kid gets a dad, but Rachel's doesn't. It hurts her far more than she would like to admit, especially to her daughter.

Rachel is about to tell Ellie to ask another time, another day, when Rachel isn't quite as frazzled as she is today, when there is a knock at the door. Darren appears and Rachel glances at the clock. It's time for interviews.

…

The interviews are as boring as paint drying. Darren tries to make them interesting by asking some quite strange and not well thought out questions, and telling her jokes in the gaps between the applicants. They've come to the last one now, thank god. "And I think he looked the best on paper, really. I think his CV said he worked here before – but twenty years ago, or something, before our time." Darren informs her, but she's not really concentrating. Rachel's distracted thinking about what happened earlier and how she needs to save Ellie from herself. Ellie's digging herself further and further into a hole and when she finally realises that she wants to get out, she won't be able to. Rachel doesn't hear Darren call the last applicant and as a result she doesn't realise who it is until it is too late. Rachel realises with a jolt that Ellie might get her wish after all.

Eddie Lawson is sitting across from her, the final applicant for the job.

…

_**If you liked please review! If you didn't like, please review and tell me why! **_


	3. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

Rachel just stares at him. He doesn't seem surprised to see her at all, so he must have known she is still the head here before he applied. Eddie isn't looking at her, though, and she wonders if he's finding this as hard as she is. She feels shaky; her hand won't stay still in her lap. She wants to stand up and leave, or tell Eddie to get the hell out her school, even though she knows she can't do anything, really. She has to act professional and chucking him out of the school would be unprofessional in the extreme. Darren has seemed to notice the tension in the room, and he is looking at Rachel with slight confusion on his face. The poor man has no idea what the hell is going on.

"So," Darren bravely starts, as Rachel feels as if she can't breathe - she can't get enough air into her lungs. She listens to Darren interview Eddie, trying in vain to keep calm and collected. His voice sounds the same, and he looks the same, with just a few more wrinkles here and there. Eddie is just as handsome as he was sixteen years ago.

But why does he have to turn up here out of the blue? On the very same day Ellie asks her about her father? Is the whole world conspiring against her?

After a while, she can't take it anymore. She stands, suddenly, her chair scraping along the floor. "I…I can't stay in here any longer." She announces quietly, her voice shaking just as much as her hands. She pulls the door open and rushes out into the hall. The air out here seems much clearer, and she takes deep breaths as she tries to regain her composure. She leans against the wall, her heart pounding at one million beats a minute.

She's expecting Darren to come out and ask her what's going on, but he doesn't, which is a wise decision, for Rachel would have just snapped at him to go away. She needs to get her thoughts marshalled. Eddie is in that room. Their daughter, that he doesn't know exists, is waiting in the staffroom for her to finish the interviews. Eddie. Her thoughts keep coming back to one thing – if Eddie gets the job and Rachel already knows that he is the best candidate of the lot even before his interview has taken place, then he is bound to find out she has a daughter. Whether he will put the pieces together and discovered that Ellie is his remains to be seen.

The office door swings open a long while later and Darren emerges. Rachel runs a hand down her face, trying to calm herself. "Uh, Darren, I'm sorry to have to ask you to…to take full control of the appointment of a new head of maths, because…well, because I don't think I should." Rachel says, trying to keep her voice in check. "Mr Lawson and I have…" She struggles to work out how to explain it, their past. "We have… He used to work here, sixteen years ago. Some…things happened."

"You don't have to explain, Rachel. I get it. I'm not going to pry. Are you sure that I should take full control over the appointment?" Rachel nods.

"You can appoint him, you know. We both know he was by far the best, don't we Darren? And I can't let what happened get in the way of the kids getting the best teacher they can possibly get." Darren nods at her, slowly, still not really understanding what he has just witnessed. "Now, I think me and Mr Lawson have some unfinished business to discuss."

Rachel turns and puts her hand on the handle, but Darren addresses her before she can go in. "If you don't mind me asking, you said that he worked here sixteen years ago…" Darren trails off, but both of them understand the implications of his words. Darren is asking if Eddie is her daughter's father.

"He doesn't know." Rachel says in a quiet, strangled voice. Darren nods.

"I think it would be for the best, then, me taking over the application process. I don't think you could remain impartial. I'm sorry, Rachel." Darren informs her, and nods again. Then he's gone, walking off down the corridor. Rachel takes a deep, deep breath, and then opens the door. Eddie is sitting in a chair, hunched over with his head in his hands. He looks up when she enters.

"Rachel…" He says, and she feels a shiver go down her spine. She's missed the way he says her name.

"Eddie." She says, in reply, her voice curt. She's not sure where they stand or why Eddie's here. It's been sixteen years and she's got no idea what to talk about with him. How can something that once came so easy to them be so hard? The truth is, that Rachel has no idea what has happened to Eddie in the last sixteen years and vice versa. "How's Melissa?" She asks after a few seconds.

"I don't know." Eddie says, and his words don't surprise her very much. She wonders if her sister has taken their child with her wherever she has gone.

"And…and your child?" She asks, awkwardly. They both know that if Melissa hadn't dropped the bombshell that she was having his baby on them that fateful day, they might have made it. They might be happy, together and happy, right here, right now. But there not, and they can't just forget that the last sixteen years haven't happened – especially Rachel. Her mind has become a battleground, she's got no idea whether to tell Eddie about Ellie, about his daughter or to wait and see if he's gets the job. On one hand, if he gets the job and then finds out that she didn't tell him as soon as they met again, it might make him angrier than he's already going to be. On the other hand, what difference will a few more weeks make, when she's been hiding it for sixteen years already?

"I think you've met him." Rachel freezes. What does Eddie mean? She trawls though her memory and cannot think of a single boy who might be her nephew. She also computes the knowledge that Melissa had a boy. Rachel didn't know that.

"I think you've got it wrong, Eddie-"

"No," He says, cutting him off. "He goes to this school. It was his first day today." Then everything falls into place. It's Alex - the new boy. His last name is Ryan. Oh god, how did she not see it? It seems so obvious now.

"Alex?" She whispers, quietly. She must be an idiot not to have connected the dots. "Alex is your son?" Eddie doesn't nod for a long minute, and in that time, Rachel wonders if she's got it wrong.

"Yeah, Alex is the name of my boy." Rachel sits heavily down into her seat. Her whole world is falling down around her ears – even if Eddie doesn't get the job, his son is attending the school and it won't take Alex long to tell his dad that he's become friends with the head's daughter. Then Eddie will ask because he doesn't know that Rachel had a daughter and Alex will tell him that Ellie is in his year and Eddie isn't stupid. He'll connect the dots, even if she couldn't about his son. "He's caused trouble already, hasn't he?" Rachel nods. "He's a good kid, really, but he's just a bit messed up after Melissa left. Plus, we both know after seeing her with Philip, that she wasn't really going to be a brilliant mum, was she?" Rachel doesn't trust her voice. What is it with those Lawson genes that means his kids are destined to be trouble makers? Alex and Ellie seemed like two peas in a pod that morning, and now Rachel has a reason why. They're siblings. Oh, god, how has Rachel managed to mess her life up this much?

She should have just told Eddie. Why didn't she tell Eddie? Eddie wouldn't have hated her like he's going to now. She just hopes Eddie will forgive her. She couldn't live with herself if Eddie hates her. It hits her then, why they have been so awkward. She still loves him. She's known it in the back of her mind ever since he left and quite a while before. She's just sort of forgotten because she hasn't seen him for so long. She wonders if he still loves her. Rachel remembers her words that fateful afternoon when she'd told him that loving each other didn't make a damn bit of difference. She doesn't think it will now, either.

Rachel is about to speak, but Eddie beats her to it. "Rachel, I know it's been a long time and that we didn't end on the best of terms," He tells her, standing and making his way towards her. "but seeing you, now, I know for sure that nothing has changed for me." She knows what he's going to say and she doesn't want him to.

"No, Eddie…" He's close to her now, and when he puts his hand on his neck, all her protestations fall away. Rachel's missed him so much that her heart overrides her common sense.

"I love you." He whispers, quietly, tenderly.

"No…" She whispers, softly under her breath. His confession is just going to make things so much harder. He's looking at her with his big, dark eyes and she knows exactly what he's going to do next. He leans down and captures her lips with his. Rachel wants to say '_no, please don't because in five minutes you're going to hate me'_, but she can't work up the nerve to say them, to end the kiss just as it's started.

Rachel pulls away, when the need for oxygen becomes too much, and she feels his arms around her. Looking up at his face, it's like the last sixteen years haven't happened. "I love you, too." She whispers, softly under her breath. She's surprised when he smiles, obviously having heard her. She closes her eyes – she knows that her admission is just making things worse, except she can't lie to him, not now, not anymore.

Rachel feels a tear run down her cheek, and she feels Eddie pull her closer to him. She buries her head in his shoulder, wondering how she has managed to mess their lives up so much. She pulls away, but Eddie doesn't let go, he's holding on to her for dear life. "Eddie, Eddie we need to talk."

"I thought that was what we were doing?" He jokes, breaking out in a smile, which makes it even worse. "Oh, I've missed you, Rachel." He says, but this time something snaps inside her. She has to tell him, she can't lead him on believing that everything is perfect and they can pick up where they left off.

"Eddie. Eddie, listen to me." She puts her hand on his face and turns it so that he is meeting her gaze. "There's someone you need to meet." She pulls away from his embrace and makes her way to the door, Eddie trailing behind her. Rachel leaves the room and he follows her. They make their way through corridors they haven't walked through together for sixteen long years. Rachel can tell that Eddie knows exactly where they are going. As they near the staffroom, he slips his hand into hers, and even though she knows she should let go of it, she can't quite bring herself to.

Rachel pushes open the staffroom door with her free hand. She spies Ellie immediately. Her daughter is sitting on a chair, headphones on and music blaring. Her head is bobbing up and down in time with a song. "Ellie?" Rachel calls, and she can feel Eddie's eyes burning a hole into the back of her head. He must be so confused. Ellie takes off her headphones and stares sullenly at her mother, her eyes drawn to the fact that her mum and a random stranger are holding hands and are standing far too close together.

"Mum, what's going on?" Ellie asks, confused, and Rachel cringes. The cat is well and truly out of the bag now. She can still feel Eddie looking at her.

"You have a daughter?" He asks, and Rachel turns slowly towards him, choosing to ignore Ellie's questions. Eddie drops her hand, but he's not looking at Rachel, but at Eleanor. Rachel thinks that, maybe, Eddie is close to working it out. Rachel reaches out and tugs on his hand. He looks at her, his eyes trying to read her expression. She pulls his hand and leads him out through the door. Eddie is looking at her, transfixed by something. Maybe it's how similar Rachel and her daughter look – something that has been mentioned by a quite a lot of people and why it had come as a surprise that Alex hadn't realised earlier that Ellie was her daughter. Or maybe he's worked out that Ellie is his.

"I don't care that you've got a daughter, Rachel, it doesn't make a difference to me. I don't mind." He says, earnestly and it's then that Rachel realises that Eddie hasn't connected the dots or maybe, he just doesn't want to.

"Eddie…"

"It really doesn't matter to me." He says, conviction running through his words, and nodding to back up his point. "I've got a son, and that doesn't bother you so why should you having a daughter bother me?" He adds and Rachel has it confirmed that Eddie has no idea that he is Eleanor's father. He sounds too serious about it not bothering him. If he knew, which he will soon, it's going to bother him. "Who's her dad, then?" Eddie asks, and Rachel feels frustration, because she didn't want to be the one to tell him, hoping it would be taken out of her hands – but he really has no idea. "Was it a-" She cuts him off; she has to put him out of his misery.

"Eddie!" She shouts, exasperated. The truth has obviously not crossed his mind. Rachel wants to tell him the truth, but she's got no idea how to, not now that his kid is sixteen years old. He starts to talk again, but Rachel can't concentrate on a single word he says. "Eddie!" She interrupts again. "Think about it, Eddie." She asks, and she watches painfully as Eddie wonders what the hell she is going on about.

"Was it someone who worked here or something like that? Or was it some bloke I've never met, though I don't understand-" Before Eddie can finish his sentence, Rachel cuts in.

"She's yours. She's your bloody daughter, Eddie!" She explodes, blurting the truth out in a less than elegant manner. Eddie stares at her, dumbstruck.

"She's mine?" He whispers, softly, not quite believing it. Rachel nods, and she sees his body language change. He straightens up and pushes the door to the staffroom open. He stands, frozen, in the doorway, staring at his daughter for a long, confusing minute. Rachel tries to pull him back because they really need to talk about it, but he turns around, pushes past her and storms down the corridor, lashing out at the wall as he goes. Rachel wants to go after him, but her legs won't obey her commands.

Instead, she turns her head slowly away from Eddie, storming off down the corridor, and meets Ellie's gaze. "Mum, what the hell is going on?" She asks, again. "Who was that?" Her daughter looks up at her, her eyes flooded by confusion. Rachel has no idea how to explain the situation to her sixteen year old daughter. Instead, she swivels around and makes her way down the hall, her legs finally doing what she wanted them to do five minutes ago. She nervously pushes open every door down the corridor and calls Eddie's name in to each empty classroom. She thinks that the search is futile until she reaches her office. Sitting behind her desk is Eddie. His head is in his hands again, and from what Rachel can see, he seems to be crying. Rachel has never seen him cry before.

He doesn't seem to notice that she's come in until she speaks. "Eddie, Eddie, I'm so sorry." His head snaps up and he looks at her, his eyes burning with anger. Rachel can see tears snaking their way down his cheeks and Rachel feels so guilty.

"Tell me when you found out. Please don't tell me you knew before I left." He half begs, half demands.

"I didn't find out until the September, Eddie, I promise." Rachel tells him, hoping he will believe the truth.

"Why didn't you tell me, then, _sixteen _years ago?" He asks, and Rachel can hear the anger taking over. Her reasoning seems woefully inadequate standing here, with Eddie in front of her. Rachel takes a step towards him, and she realises she's shaking again.

"I didn't want to bother you." She says, quietly, and Eddie just laughs at her.

"Bother me? You were pregnant with my child, I deserved to know!" Eddie shouts, his voice so loud she wonders if Ellie can hear it in the staffroom.

"You'd just gone off with Melissa. She was pregnant, too, remember?" Rachel retaliates, her voice slowly getting louder and louder. "I had no idea where you'd gone. Philip didn't know where you upped and left to, either, so how was I meant to tell you? You'd gone off with my sister – my sister, Eddie – because you'd gotten her pregnant. What was I supposed to say if I'd found you, anyway? _'Oh, by the way, Eddie, you know you got Melissa pregnant? Yeah, well I'm pregnant too_.' That would have gone down a treat." Rachel continues, and now she's angry too. Angry that Eddie's angry at her.

"I would have come back!" Eddie replies, not lowering his voice.

"And abandoned Melissa and your other kid? That really would have fixed it, Eddie." Rachel shakes her head. "You shouldn't have put me in that situation in the first place." Rachel mutters under breath, but Eddie catches her words.

"I didn't know that Melissa was going to turn up five months pregnant when I got involved with you, did I?" He counters, banging his fist down on the table. "Did I, Rachel?"

"There shouldn't have been the chance, Eddie, that we could both get pregnant." Rachel hits back, anger bubbling in her veins. At this moment in time, all her recriminations and accusations she's bottled up since she found out about her pregnancy are coming to the surface again. "I mean, how the hell do you do something like that, Eddie?" She shakes her head, turning away, all the disgust and hurt she felt that September evening coming flooding back. "I was so scared, Eddie, and you don't know how many times I've wanted to tell you, but every single time, the fact that you got Melissa pregnant first stopped me, until I gave up thinking that I was ever going to tell you at all." Rachel says, putting her hand to her face. She feels so stressed and tired and to top it all off, here is Eddie yelling at her because she didn't tell him that she was having his baby, so, so long ago. "And what can I do now, Eddie?" She says, tiredly. "Maybe if we could go back in time? Maybe then we could have fixed it, but not now, Eddie. We can't fix it now." Rachel admits, slowly. "In another life I would have told you to stay." Rachel says, quietly, her voice shaking and fracturing as she speaks. It's the truth.

In another life, she would have told him to stay and they could have worked things about. Eddie would have been there for her throughout her pregnancy. He'd have been there when she went into labour. Eddie would have been there to hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be alright. He would have helped her and Philip to paint the nursery and he would have been there the night she brought their baby home from the hospital for the first time. He would have been there to help her through the difficult time that was the first couple of months of Ellie's life. They would have married and they would have been happy. In another life, she would have told him to stay.

But this is her life, and she didn't.

…


	4. Chapter 3

_**a/n Hello! Here is chapter 3 and I hope you like it. I'd just like to mention here that I've recently put up a Rachel/Eddie one shot and I'd love it if you could check it out! **_

_Chapter 3_

"So," Rachel starts. Eddie is looking at her from behind her desk and all she wants to do is rewind time to time when they were together. She wants to take her life back to that day when Melissa turned up and change her own mind. But she can't do that, so she settles for second best. She wants Eddie to forgive her. She wants Eddie to hold her again, just like he used to. Rachel isn't sure if that's going to happen, though. So much has happened in the last sixteen years.

"When's her birthday?" His question is out of the blue. Rachel notes that there is no anger in his voice anymore. Maybe, just maybe, things could be okay after all. She slips into a chair opposite before answering his inquiry.

"23rd March '10." Eddie nods, and Rachel sighs. She has no idea how to fix this situation – in fact she doesn't have much idea about much anything at the moment.

"Alex's is the 27th November '09." It's Rachel's turn to nod now.

"Would you like a coffee?" Rachel asks, after a long, awkward pause, gesturing at a coffee machine that it sitting behind her. Eddie nods and Rachel stands. She busies herself making coffee, but she can feel Eddie looking at her. She makes two cups and takes them over to the desk. She sets one down and slides it across to him, and takes a sip of the other one. It's boiling hot but Rachel doesn't mind, anything to take her mind off the pain in her heart. "Do you still mean it, what you said earlier?" Rachel asks, even though her brain is telling her not to. She's not sure if she wants to hear the answer, but it's out there now.

"Do you?" He asks, sounding reproachful. Rachel takes in his question, thinking about it long and hard, even though the answer comes like a flash to her. She nods, but can't look him in the eye, instead taking a sip of her still boiling drink. "Say it then."

"What, Eddie? That I love you? I'd scream that from the rooftops if I thought it'd help, but it won't." She says, resignedly. "Never has, has it Eddie?" She takes another sip, but then looks up at him suddenly. "I want to fix this, Eddie, I really do. But the question is, Eddie, is if it's worth fixing. Maybe we're too broken to fix." She stops, taking a deep breath."I'm giving you the choice, Eddie. You can walk out of here right now and we can never see each other again. Or you could stay and get to know Ellie and we could try to make this mess better. It's your choice." Eddie puts his drink down, heavily, so that the liquid inside spills over the lip of the cup. Eddie doesn't even have to ask, instead automatically reaching for the top draw where Rachel used to keep her tissues. He is surprised when he realises that she still keeps them there. He pulls one out and cleans up the spilt coffee, before crumpling the tissue up and throwing it into the bin. Then he takes another sip of his coffee. Rachel can feel her insides twisting and turning, she's handed all of the control over to him, something she can't help but feel nervous about. Rachel likes to be in control.

Eddie puts his coffee down again, but he doesn't spill it this time. "Philip told me you got married." Rachel freezes, her blood turning to ice. Eddie's words hit her like she's just run into a brick wall. Philip has seen Eddie but hasn't told her. She can't help but feel betrayed by him.

"When did you see Phil?" Rachel asks, trying to keep her voice level.

"Uh, it must have been," Eddie scrunches up his face, trying to work out when he saw Philip. "10 years ago, now. He came to my house. Met his little brother." He stops mid-sentence. "Philip knew, didn't he? When he came to see me, he knew you had my kid, didn't he?" Eddie says, and Rachel can hear the anger slowly seeping back into his words. She nods.

"How did you think I could have hidden it from him? We lived together." Eddie shakes his head, obviously he feels angry that Philip hadn't told him all those years ago. "Why did he go see you?"

"He wanted to speak to Melissa. That was back when we lived together. Philip talked to her about god knows what and then spent some time with Alex." Rachel computes the knowledge and finds that she doesn't blame Philip as much as did before Eddie explained why he came. Phil just wanted to speak with his mum, and Rachel can't blame him for that.

"He told you I got married?" Eddie nods. "Did you ask about me?" Eddie shakes his head, and Rachel can't explain why that simple denial makes her feel sad. She guesses it's because she wants to know if Eddie has thought about her at all in the last sixteen years. "He just came out with it. He said '_d'you know that Auntie Rach got married?'_ and I dropped my coffee on the floor. Smashed one of my best mugs, thanks to you." He mutters, but Rachel can tell he's not being serious about caring about breaking the mug. "So what's your husband going to think about earlier, or about the little fact that you've just admitted you love me?" Eddie adds, and Rachel can hear the well hidden spite in his tone.

"Eddie," Rachel starts, setting her hands down on the desk. "I got divorced a long time ago." Eddie takes a sip of his drink, and Rachel almost laughs at how embarrassed he looks. "His name was Adam and I met him for the first time a long time ago. When I was Amanda." Eddie raises an eyebrow at her words. "But not like that, Eddie!" She cringes, knowing exactly what Eddie was thinking. "Before I was a prostitute." She adds, nodding fiercely. "And then I met him again when I was pregnant with Ellie and, yes, we did get married. I managed to convince myself that I loved him. He loved me, that much was obvious. He was lovely and brilliant and amazing and he helped me so much when Ellie was little, but Eddie, Eddie he wasn't you and he was never going to be you. That was the problem. I wanted to love him so much but he was always going to be second best and I think he always knew that without me saying." Rachel takes a deep breath. "Then one day I wake up, and go down to breakfast. I'm eating my cereal when Adam comes down. He asks me who Eddie is and I remember being very shocked because I'd never talked to him about you – I mean I hadn't even talked about you with anyone except Phil. I didn't know how he knew about you, but then he explained." She pauses, stealing a glance at Eddie.

"I used to say your name when I was asleep. The first couple of times Adam ignored it, but then I used to do it every night and it was always Eddie and never Adam and he hated it." She looks down, slightly embarrassed at her admission. "And that was when I told him that I was always going to be in love with someone else and he could live with it or he could go."

"He went?" Rachel nods.

"This was when, uh, Ellie was about six months old. Our marriage wasn't very successful, to be honest, because it was built on lies - that I loved him more than anyone else, because, well, I didn't." She says, quietly. Eddie stares at her now, and Rachel just hopes that he will forgive her because she can't live the rest of her life knowing he hates her. It would hurt her too much.

"Eddie?" She prompts, but doesn't dare look up. She doesn't want her heart broken any more than it already has been. She hears footsteps in the corridor behind her, but she hopes to god that they go in another direction because she needs this time with him, to work things out – because even though earlier she said that maybe they were too broken to fix, she doesn't want that to be true. She wants to get her happy ending with him.

The footsteps don't stop and Rachel flicks her eyes up. Her gaze meets Eddie's and she knows that he's wary of the footsteps too. Who knew you could be so scared of feet hitting the floor? Somehow, it feels like the footsteps – getting ever closer – are counting down the moments until they finally snap and this, this_ thing, _between them will end, for the final time. She knows she's being stupid, really, but her heart is aching more than she ever thought possible.

Rachel knows that she's scared of the footsteps because she knows that when whoever they belong to arrives, Eddie could leave her. The presence of another person may snap him out of the indecision he has been suffering with. He might realise his choice and it might break her heart in two. That's what she's scared of; that now she's got him back – not quite in the way she wants, but still – that he'll leave her again.

She doesn't want someone else to come in. She just wants to stay here, in a little bubble with Eddie. But it was never going to last, was it? Eddie probably hates her, because she didn't tell him about Ellie. Then Eddie surprises her. "I'm not going to leave, Rach." He says, quietly, as the footsteps finally reach her office door. "I want to fix this." The five words make her heart soar, and then Eddie reaches across the desk and puts one of his hands over hers, just as the office door opens with a creak. Rachel looks up at Eddie, and can't help return the beaming smile Eddie is giving her. For a beautiful, wonderful moment, Rachel thinks they've gone back two decades, and they're younger and in love and there are no complications. But then she turns around, and their daughter is standing in the doorway.

Oh, there are definitely complications.

Eddie stands up before either of the two women can say a word. Rachel turns back to him and gives him a warning glance. Rachel wants to be the one to tell Ellie that her father is sitting on the other side of the desk. "Mum, are you going to tell me what the hell is going on? You've been in here with this bloke for _hours_. I want to go home." Ellie whines. Rachel switches her glance from her daughter to Eddie every five seconds or so. Ellie is looking at her, and Eddie is looking at Ellie. No one does anything for a long moment.

"Eddie, where's Alex?" She asks quietly, thinking that it would be better to explain it as best they could once, rather than leaving Eddie to explain to Alex alone.

"He's at home. He said he'd walk." Rachel nods. "I'll call him and ask him to come in." Eddie's only just finished, when Ellie buts in again.

"His name's Eddie, eh Mum?" Ellie scoffs. "How long's this been going on then? Did you not think about telling me?"

"What's been going on?" Rachel asks, confused, as Eddie slides his phone out his pocket and dials a number. He puts the phone to his ear, just as Ellie is about to reply. Rachel shushes her daughter. "Sit down, Eleanor, and be quiet. I'll explain in a minute." Rachel whispers, as quietly as she can. Ellie huffs and slumps on to the sofa. She sits next to her daughter, but Ellie pulls out her phone and starts busying herself with something or another.

Rachel tries not to listen to Eddie's conversation with his son, but the whole room is in total silence apart from his sporadic words, Rachel can't help but eavesdrop. The phone call is short, and soon Eddie is sitting next to Rachel. He leans in and whispers quietly into her ear. "He's coming as soon as possible." Rachel nods and turns away, not able to stay close to him without remembering the past they shared. He reaches out and takes her hand, giving it a squeeze of support. Ellie coughs and then snorts in disgust.

"I can't believe you, Mum." She says, shaking her head with a look of abhorrence on her face. "You're getting all serious with a guy and you told me I couldn't go out with Danny last week."

"This is very different, Ellie, believe me." Rachel replies, tiredly. She's going to explain everything to her soon, and it's going to be hard and Rachel can already imagine Ellie's reaction. What she can't account for is Alex's reaction. Over the last sixteen years, Rachel's imagined her nephew many a time, but never did she imagine someone so close in personality to her Ellie. Her daughter shakes her head, obviously not believing Rachel, and sulks, becoming absorbed in her phone again.

Rachel fiddles with her fingers, nervous as to what the future holds. She's still confused as to where she and Eddie are standing. He's sitting too close to her for her own comfort, and she feels as if she's fighting to stay above water, like if she let go she'd drown, with him sitting next to her. She used to be able to read him like an open book, but now, she's struggling to work out simple things like if he's still angry with her.

"Eddie?" She speaks quietly, aware that Ellie is not two metres away from them, but thankfully, she's just put her headphones on again, and even from this distance, Rachel can hear drum beats and guitar riffs. Ellie's got her music far too loud for her liking. "Are you angry with me?" Eddie doesn't look at her, studiously staring at the carpet. "I don't blame you, I'm angry with me." She says, running a hand through her hair.

"Yeah, Rachel, I'm angry with you, but I think that's natural, after what I've found out this afternoon." Rachel nods, flashing him a nervous smile. "And I'm not pretending to understand your reasoning but, well, I sort of get. I mean, I understand that you were scared, but you could have called. I would have come back," He puts a hand up, pre-empting Rachel's interruption, and she stops, letting him finish his explanation. "and I'd have made Melissa come with me. If I'd known, Rach, I would have…" He says wistfully, trailing off and turning to look at her. After a pause, he gives her a flicker of a smile. "But I care about you, always have, haven't I and we really messed thing up. We didn't realise what we had right in front of us and I just really didn't want to be alone anymore." Rachel nods, understanding – that's why she married Adam; really, she didn't want to be alone anymore. "You said it was my choice, right?" Rachel nods, knowing they've come to a pivotal moment. "Well, I want to get to know my daughter." She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "And, Rachel, I would like to fix this, too." When Eddie says 'this', he gestures between the two of them and Rachel understands fully. Neither of them have the words to explain what went happened between them. Rachel is buoyed by the fact that he wants to try to fix their problems. Finally, there is a glimmer of hope on her horizon, a tiny spot of possibility.

Eddie picks her hand up and they don't speak, just find comfort the contact. Some things never change, and the security that Eddie gives her in just a simple gesture is one of those things. She suddenly remembers that day in the car park, the day she finally agreed to go public about their relationship, the day of their first proper argument as a couple, the day Eddie asked if he could hold her hand in the playground and she told him not to push his luck, but she took his hand anyway. Rachel smiles at the memory, hoping with all of her being that there will be more of those moments to come.

She's still smiling when the office door opens, and Alex appears, a frown on his face. Both Rachel and Eddie can feel Alex's eyes staring at their entwined fingers, and Rachel tries to pull away, but Eddie won't let her, and for that she's glad. Rachel's got to stop running from her responsibilities. Eddie tells his son to sit down.

"Is this about what happened earlier?" Alex asks, sitting next to Ellie. After a few seconds, she pauses her music and takes her headphones off. Rachel takes a deep breath. _Well, this is it, _she thinks, _the moment of truth. _


	5. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

"Well, we've got something to tell you." Rachel starts, speaking carefully. Every couple of seconds, she keeps glancing back at Eddie, because she's got idea how to do this and if it turns out anything like how she informed Eddie that Ellie was his, it's not going to be pretty.

"Sure, as if it isn't obvious." Ellie comments, sarcastically, and Rachel realises how hard this is actually going to be. Ellie's always wanted to know about her dad, but up until now, Rachel has always put it off, but now she can't. Today, right now, Alex and Ellie are going to find out the truth about their conceptions and the complex situation that led to now.

"Ellie." Rachel warns, but her daughter just looks away.

"Are you…like together or something?" Alex asks, awkwardly. Both Rachel and Eddie shake their heads at the same moment. "So why are you holding hands, then?" Alex adds, confused. Rachel runs another hand through her hair. "Dad?" Alex tries addressing his father.

"Alex-" Rachel begins but before she can continue, there is a knock on the door, and she sighs with exasperation. It as if no one _wants_ her to tell the truth. She stands and quickly crosses to the door. She opens it forcefully, annoyed at the interruption. Darren is standing there, smiling. "I thought we could check the reports before the governors arrive." Darren says, and Rachel feels so stupid.

She's completely forgotten that the governors are coming tonight, for a check up on how the school year is going, so far. She brings a hand up to her forehead, her mind racing at one hundred miles an hour, trying in vain to come up with a way to save the situation, but her mind is pitifully blank. She glances at the clock – the governors are arriving in five minutes, nowhere near enough time to explain about Eddie, Melissa and her to the kids.

She knows which thing can wait, but she doesn't feel good about postponing the explanation till later. "Is Mr Lawson in here?" Darren asks, very quietly. Rachel looks up at him sharply, but Darren doesn't seem to notice her pointed stare. Rachel nods slowly. "Can I have a quick word with him?" He asks, and she takes a step back, opening the door wider. As Darren brushes past her, on his way to talk to Eddie, he whispers softly in her ear. "Have you told him?" Rachel gives him a small nod and he smiles in return.

"Mr Lawson." Darren says, as Rachel leans up against the door heavily, watching her new and former deputies talking. Rachel finds it strange, her new world and her old world colliding so spectacularly, but she thinks she likes it. "I'm delighted to tell you that the job is yours if you want to take it. Can you start Monday?" Eddie stands up and he and Rachel exchange looks. Rachel feels relieved, and gives Eddie a supportive smile.

"Yes, yes, thank you very much. Monday's fine." Eddie replies, nodding. Darren reaches out a hand and the two of them shake. "See you Monday, then Mr Lawson." Darren turns around to face her, paperwork tucked under his arm. He quickly makes his way from the room, not before reminding her that the governors will be arriving in three minutes.

Rachel stands, resting on the door for a few, precious moments, before she opens her eyes. Eddie's wandered over to her, and she can tell exactly what he's going to ask. He might just still be an open book to her. "Is everything okay?" He's got his hands in his pockets and she notes that he looks a little jealous.

"Oh, yeah, everything's okay." She answers. "I've just forgotten that the governors are arriving," She looks up at the clock again. "right about now, for a general progress meeting." Eddie grimaces, turning his head back to the two kids sat, uncomfortably, on the blue sofa. "Look, it's alright, we can tell them tonight." Eddie shakes his head.

"Melissa's coming over to pick Alex up at six. When does the meeting end?" Rachel can't remember off the top of her head, so she crosses the room to her desk, searching, quickly, for the schedule for tonight's meeting. She finds it after a little while of panicked looking.

"Half six." Rachel says, with a little groan. "When is Melissa bringing him back?" Rachel asks, hoping that Eddie will say Sunday morning, even though Rachel knows it will be more like late on Sunday.

"I'm not sure – some time on Sunday." Seeing Rachel's hopeful face, he can't help but crush them. "Late on Sunday – like nine o'clock." Rachel leans back, resting on the desk, knowing that right about now, she should be in the hall with Darren and not in here with Eddie.

"Monday it is, then." Rachel finishes, glumly. "I've got to get to my meeting, now, sorry, Eddie." She says, giving him a sad smile. They were so close to informing their kids, but a stupid governors meeting has gotten in the way. She walks quickly to the door, turning back just as she goes out. "Oh, and Eddie?" She says, turning back. "Congratulations on the job."

…

Monday morning dawns bright and clear, but that's not what Rachel is focusing on. She's desperately trying to get Ellie out of the door and into the car, because they need to go now, and she's still in her bedroom. "Ellie?" She calls sharply, for the third time, and finally her daughter appears at the top of the stairs.

"What?"

"We need to go." Rachel says, gesturing hurriedly at her watch. Ellie sighs and comes down the stairs as slowly as is humanly possible. By the time she's got to the bottom, Rachel has already lost patience with her. "In the car now." She snaps. Ellie reaches round and grabs her bag and together they walk out the house. Ellie opens the car door sullenly, as Rachel slams her door shut. She turns the key in the ignition and the car starts up.

They spend the journey in silence, up until the school gates appear and Rachel tells her daughter to have a good day at school. Rachel and Eddie have agreed - over the weekend - that tonight, after school, they are going to tell them what was about to be said on Friday before that stupid governors meeting got in the way. Rachel has never hated a meeting so much before.

She climbs out of her vehicle, but Ellie does it ten times as fast, and by the time Rachel is pulling her bag out of the boot, Ellie has already sauntered off. Looking up, she spies Darren and Katie walking in together with Jamie, the PE teacher, just behind them. Rachel hurriedly makes her way across the space, but before she gets to her colleagues, she hears Eddie's voice behind her. "Rachel." He calls and she slows down. He comes beside her and they don't talk, just revelling in the fact that after sixteen years, they are walking into work together again. She opens the door for him, and then follows him in. It's like all those years haven't past, even though she knows they have, as they walk down the whitewashed corridors to the staffroom.

"All set for tonight, Eddie?" Rachel asks, quietly, as the staffroom comes into view. Eddie nods.

"Yeah, but I'm still trying to work out for we supposed to tell them." He replies, his voice just as quiet as hers. Rachel gets to the door first, pushing it open, with Eddie close behind her. The room goes silent as she enters, but not for any reason to do with her. Everyone is staring at Eddie, everyone that is, apart from Rachel and Darren - who know why he's here.

"Hello, everyone," Rachel starts, moving to address the whole room. At this moment in time, Rachel is glad that no one who worked here twenty years ago still does now. This would've taken some explaining to do. "this is the new head of maths, Eddie Lawson." Rachel introduces, gesturing in Eddie's direction.

Eddie steps to the front, as Rachel melts away to the background. She busies herself making a coffee, listening with one ear at Eddie's introductory speech. Not that she wasn't expecting him to, he wins them all over, and soon it's like he never left.

Then the bells goes and slowly, the room starts to empty. Soon, it's only Rachel and Eddie left in the room. Rachel hands him a coffee, and they drink, again in silence. "You know what I've got first, right?" Rachel asks, and Eddie nods. "Assembly with the kids. You'll be introduced again, sorry." She says, giving him a quick smile. She finishes her coffee washes it up. "I've got to go get the microphone from the music room. D'you want to come with me?"

"Yeah." Eddie says without a moment's pause. "I do need a quick word with you." Rachel nods and together they leave the staffroom.

"Harry set up the microphone with blue tooth, wireless or something like that so there are no cables involved. He just didn't have time to move it from the music room to the stage, so…" She trails off.

"Who's Harry?"

"IT whizz-kid, been really good for the school since he started." He nods, as they arrive at the music room. "Right, what was that word you wanted, Eddie?"Rachel asks, pulling the door to and entering the spacious room.

"I was just thinking that I'm still struggling how to tell them. I've got no clue how to start." Rachel shakes her head too.

"I've got no idea, either, Eddie." Rachel replies, putting a hand to her face.

"Look, you know we wouldn't be in this mess if you'd told me all those years ago." Eddie mutters under his breath, but Rachel hears it as clear as day.

"So you're blaming this all on me, are you Eddie?"

"Look, Rach, you know I didn't mean that." Rachel just glares at him "I know it's going to be hard-" Rachel interrupts him, anger over taking her.

"Hard, Eddie? Today, I've got to tell my daughter that you got engaged to my sister and got her pregnant. I mean that's not too bad in itself, is it? Simple, you'd think." She's says, shrugging. "Except then we come to the complicated part. And this, Eddie, I blame entirely on you. Cause you got me pregnant as well, didn't you?" She stops, turning away from Eddie. She feels her anger at him slowly dissipating, because she knows that it's not all his fault. They're all culpable in this mess; him, Rachel and Melissa. "How am I supposed to explain that?" She finishes, quietly, reaching across and grabbing the microphone. "Now if you don't mind, Eddie, I've got to go do the assembly." She takes the microphone and sets off down the corridor.

The hall is in uproar when she gets there but she's not sure why. Everyone is talking amongst themselves, even some of the teachers. She spots Eddie in the first row, with his arms folded and his face tired and worn. Rachel expects the students to see her on the stage and stop talking but they don't, if anything the harsh whispering gets louder.

Then Rachel's eyes fall on her daughter. Ellie is sitting in the back row, her arms fiercely folded. As Rachel looks at her, Ellie looks up. Their eyes meet across the hall and Rachel gives her a smile, but Ellie doesn't react the way Rachel thought she would. Instead of shaking her head and looking away in annoyance at being singled out, Ellie stands up, knocking her chair backwards. It hits the ground with a resounding bang. The whole room goes silent, as Ellie grabs her bag and stumbles from the room. Rachel stands, frozen on the stage, wondering what the hell just happened.

She stands, motionless, for a few more seconds, as all the eyes in the room turn to face her. "I would like to start the assembly by introducing the new head of maths, Mr Lawson." Rachel says, and muted clapping rings out around the hall. Eddie stands, about to start speaking but before he can begin, he is interrupted. Alex gets to his feet, splaying his arms out wide. Rachel can see the young boy's eyes, and anger is burning in them – they're not directed at her, though, but at Eddie.

"Is what Miss Mason said true, Dad?" Alex spits out, venom in his words. Rachel is very confused now, her brain working at breakneck speed to try and work out what Eddie's son means. "That you cheated on Mum with her?" Rachel takes a step back in surprise at Alex's allegation. She's got no idea what the hell he is going on about. Rachel knows that Eddie was finished with Melissa by the time they got together, but obviously his son has other ideas.

Rachel leans towards the microphone. "I don't what rumours-" She starts, but a call silences her.

"Nah, man, we heard it on the loud speakers, Miss." Andy, a year thirteen pupil, shouts, and Rachel finally realises what has happened. She stares at the microphone, wondering how she could be so stupid as to not realise that it had been on when she and Eddie were having their private discussion in the music room. Harry hadn't told her how to turn it on, so she should have assumed that it would have been on and maybe she wouldn't have broadcasted her secrets to the entire assembled school. Rachel turns back her memory to the words she uttered to Eddie, and realises how Alex has interpreted them. Oh, how could she be so stupid?

Alex is pushing his way down his row now, making his way towards his father. Eddie is standing up, watching at his son, but every so often, his gaze shifts back to her. "I can't believe you, Dad." Alex yells, as he walks down the hall towards Eddie. "You're a hypocrite, you know that?" Alex continues, shaking his head violently. "You were so mad at Mum you kicked her out, when you found out she was seeing that bloke from work. But what you did was so much worse, don't you understand?" Rachel tilts her head, not really surprised by the revelation that Melissa had an affair, more surprised about the assertion that Eddie and Melissa must have been together for him to be able to get mad and kick her out. The realisation makes her feel just a little hollow inside. "You slept with her sister. Her _sister_, Dad! That's just sick." Alex finishes, coming face to face with his father.

"Alex," Eddie begins, but his son doesn't give him a chance. Alex launches himself at him.

"Don't you start; you lying, cheating-" As Darren stands up to pull Alex off of Eddie, the room erupts again, and Alex's words are swallowed by the din. Rachel can imagine how Alex ended his sentence.

"Silence!" Rachel shouts, and the students immediately stop. She must still have some respect and power over the pupils. "Now, Mr Hastings, could you please take Mr Ryan to the cooler?" Darren gives her a nod, and steers a still protesting Alex out of the room. Rachel and Eddie's eyes meet, and they realise that they're going to have to explain to their children much sooner than they planned, but first, Rachel must get the rest of the school under control. She has no idea whether to face Alex's allegations head on and admit that yes, Eddie is Ellie's dad, but no, they didn't have an affair. Maybe she should just leave the whole subject alone.

Eddie turns, his face pale, and makes his way up the steps at the side of the stage, his hands in his pockets. Their eyes meet and Rachel feels like just running out of the room. She wants to find Ellie and explain all about the past, and what happened. She desperately doesn't want the whole school to know anymore of her business than they already do.

She's saved in every sense, by the bell ringing. The other teachers in the room bounce up, ordering the children to get moving, to get to their lessons and she is glad. Rachel runs a hand through her hair, as she and Eddie stand awkwardly on the stage together.

She turns away from Eddie, not quite able to look him in the eye. They both know that if she hadn't snapped at him, they would have been able to tell Ellie and Alex on their own terms. "I think we should find them." She says, distantly, before she walks off the stage, making her way to the double doors.

"Rachel." Eddie calls after her, wearily, but she doesn't turn back.

…

She walks down the corridor, forcefully opening every door she encounters. Eddie's always a few steps behind her, but they're not talking. Rachel feels angry, not at Eddie, but the poor man seems to be bearing the brunt of her irritation. "Look, Rachel, calm down." His plea goes unanswered, as she shoves the girl's toilets door open. She enters the room, but sees the empty room and cubicles, and leaves, disappointment racing through her veins. She leans up against the wall, her head pounding. She survived so much more than this before, has lived through so much worse, and yet it feels so bad, because Ellie's involved and Rachel is clueless about how to fix everything that has gone wrong this time. She wonders if she can.

Her eyes are tight shut, so she doesn't notice Eddie coming towards her. The first thing that she does notice is Eddie putting his arms around her. She collapses into him, holding him to her tightly, like she's a drowning sailor and he's her raft. She feels his fingers in her hair, smoothing it down and away from her eyes. He places a soft kiss on the top of her head, and mumbles quietly to her. "We can fix this, Rach." She smiles sadly.

"I'm sorry, Eddie." She murmurs into his chest.

"Don't say sorry, this is my fault just as much as yours, Rachel." They don't let go of each other for a few more seconds, neither wanting to end the heartfelt embrace. Eddie lets go first, softly releasing his grip. They stand, just looking at each other, for another long, precious moment. Then she turns away, continuing on her way down the hallway.

…

In the end, they kill two birds with one stone. Entering the cooler, after giving up on the search for Ellie, they realise why. She is sitting on a desk in the corner, turned to face Alex, who is sitting on the opposite side of the room. Both teenagers look up when Eddie and Rachel enter, but then both also look away with disgust written all over their faces. "Ellie, off the table." She snaps.

"Whatever, Mum." Ellie says, sarcastically, as she slides into the chair by the desk she was sitting on. Alex is staring at a distant point out of the window, making a point of avoiding Eddie's piercing gaze. "You don't need to explain. You did it so eloquently over the loud speakers - to the _whole_ school." Ellie adds, bitterly, after a pause.

"Look, we do need to explain. You've got it wrong-" Alex speaks up for the first time since they entered the room, cutting his dad off.

"Oh, we've got it wrong then? So, you're not her dad too?"

"No, he is Ellie's dad too but-" Rachel begins, but Alex interrupts her as well.

"And you're my mum's sister?" He asks, and he swivels his head, so that he is staring at Rachel. She's taken aback by how much his eyes resemble Eddie's. She nods, quickly. "See, you don't need to explain. You," Alex points at Eddie. "cheated on mum with her own freaking sister!" He yells, hitting his fist down onto the desk.

"It wasn't like that!" Eddie counters, yelling just as loud as his son. "Me and your mother were over by the time I began my relationship with Rachel."

"Didn't sound like that earlier." Ellie comments, cynically.

"My…choice of words was unfortunate." Rachel replies, trying to make their children understand, to forgive them. "We didn't have an affair."

"So was it just a fling, then?"

"No!"Eddie roars. Rachel can see his whole body shaking with anger. She puts her hand on his arm, trying to calm him, and it works. He relaxes instantly. "Alex, you must know that me and your mum, we never loved each other." Eddie implores, taking a step towards his son.

"So what, Dad, that doesn't mean you can screw other women. Especially not her _sister_." Alex gives Rachel a dirty glare. "I bet she wasn't the only one-" Before Alex can add any more, Eddie cuts in, his voice furious.

"I wasn't sleeping with anyone!" He shouts, indignantly.

"Oh, so that's how you got your sister-in-law pregnant, isn't it?" Alex hits back, and Rachel turns her gaze away from the teen and back to Eddie.

"You married her." It's not a question, it's a statement. "You knew you didn't love her and yet you married her."

"How the hell do you know he didn't love her?" Ellie weighs in, her voice low and angry. "Did he tell you? Well, guess what, newsflash Mum, he might just have been lying to get you into bed." Ellie finishes, her voice mocking and derisive.

Rachel brings her hands up to her face, massaging her tired temples. "Our relationship wasn't ever like that, Ellie. I knew your father long before he met my sister." The statement hangs in the air. "So it's not like I just turned up out of the blue and stole him away from your mother, Alex." Rachel says, glad that no one has interrupted her yet. "Though, she might not see it that way." She mutters.

"Rachel's right." Eddie agrees, speaking earnestly.

"So you were together before you got with Mum?" Alex asks, quietly.

"No, it wasn't quite that simple…" Rachel replies, wistfully. "I wouldn't let you in after the fire…" She says, softly. Both the teens look up at her inbewilderment. Neither of them know about the fire, and about Stuart and about her past – she hasn't told Ellie, and she didn't expect Eddie to fill his son in about his past, either. "There was a fire, here, about a year before you two were born. I got hurt and as a result, when I got out of hospital, I pushed him away." And she's never stopped regretting it since, with what happened afterwards and the mess their relationship spiralled into.

"I don't want to listen to this rubbish." Alex announces, grabbing his bag and making his way to the door. Eddie looks like he is about to confront the boy, but Rachel puts her hand on his arm again, and he sits heavily down. The door slams loudly behind Alex.

"You need to let him calm down, Eddie." She says, and he nods. Rachel straightens up, weaving her way through the maze of chairs the room has become to her daughter, who just happened to be seated in the final row of chairs. Rachel pulls a chair up so that she is sitting opposite her daughter. "Ellie?" Rachel says, gently, and Ellie slowly turns her head so that their eyes meet. "I want you to know that I love you, darling, and even though you might not think it, your dad does too." Ellie gives her small smile, her eyes moving away from her mother and to her newly discovered father.

"I guess it's what I get for always asking about him." She replies, quietly. "I just always wanted to know why he was never here, why I'd never met him – why all my friends had dads and I didn't." She adds, sadly. "He was with his other family the whole time, wasn't he? He was with your sister – his wife, Mum – and his kid. I wonder if she knew about you two." Ellie asks, more to herself than to Rachel, but she answers anyway.

"We didn't have an affair, Ellie, so there was nothing for Melissa to know." Rachel's words inexplicably cause Ellie to smile.

"Mum, you really need to brush up on your lying skills-"

"I'm not lying-"

"Mum, I don't care if you were having an affair, really." Rachel opens her mouth to talk, but Ellie continues regardless. "I know you probably don't want to be the other woman, the mistress or something like that." Rachel wants to scream and shout and beg someone – anyone – to believe them that they weren't having an affair, but no one seem to want to believe the truth. She's really made a mess of explaining this. "But I want to ask you a question, Mum." Rachel nods, slowly, wondering what Ellie is going to ask her. "Do you love him?" Ellie's voice is so quiet, Rachel almost misses the inquiry.

"Yes." Rachel admits, looking away from her daughter's inquisitive gaze. She feels more comfortable than she thought she would, admitting such a personal thing to her daughter.

"He didn't tell you he got married, did he?"

"He couldn't have, we haven't talked for sixteen years."

"Is that because of me?"

"No, no, Ellie. This isn't your fault." Rachel says, reaching out a hand and resting it on Ellie's shoulder.

"Was it because of Alex?" Rachel is amazed that her daughter has managed to connect at least one of the jigsaw pieces that her life was back then. She knows it's not Alex's fault, really, because it wasn't his decision to have Eddie and Melissa as parents. She does, slightly, feel resentment to the boy, because he got a father and Ellie didn't. It wasn't all Melissa's fault either. Some of her twisted family loyalty must still be there, if she can think that. Her daughter is right, when she asked if it was because of Alex that they haven't talked in sixteen years, because that's the truth. If Melissa hadn't turned up pregnant that day, who knows where Eddie and Rachel would be now?

"I don't think I can blame just one person for what happened." Rachel says, quietly. "We're all to blame, and seeing as Alex wasn't even born then, I don't think we can blame him."

"But that's why you stopped talking. Because your sister told him she was pregnant? Because of Alex?"

Rachel nods, but she knows it's not that simple. It was also because she just couldn't cope with the fact that he had gotten Melissa pregnant and she couldn't cope being all those things – Melissa's sister, Eddie's girlfriend, the baby's aunt, Philip's aunt, the baby's step mother – no, she couldn't have coped with all the responsibility. She couldn't do it.

"I want to explain to you, Ellie, what happened. I owe you the truth. We didn't have an affair. He had ended his engagement to my sister because she was the first person to realise that he loved me." Rachel admits, softly, but knowing that she's not telling the whole truth. There was the bigamy situation too, and if that hadn't have happened, Melissa wouldn't have knocked them off their feet with her revelation that she knew that Eddie loved her. Rachel's also sure that they both knew they loved each other, but just ignored it, and it just got hidden. "Melissa went away and after a while, me and Eddie got together, but then…well, then she turned up again, and this time she was pregnant, with Eddie's baby. Eddie has another son, with his ex-wife, called Michael, and he lost touch with him and it nearly killed him. I couldn't let that happen again. So, in the end, our love didn't matter. I ended things, and he left with Melissa." Rachel pauses, feeling strange about admitting the truth to her daughter. "Then, a couple of months later, I found out I was expecting as well. I didn't tell him. He didn't find out until the other day." Ellie gives her a nod and Rachel relaxes. At least Ellie knows and understands the truth now.

Rachel brings she hand up to her daughter's face and moves some hair out of her eyes. Looking at Ellie, who everyone thinks looks like her, Rachel can see Eddie in her face. It's only tiny things - like her ears, she's inherited Eddie's ears – but Rachel can see them. Rachel pulls Ellie into a hug, and they stay like that for a few seconds, then Ellie pulls away. They share a smile, as Rachel stands up. She puts the chair back and makes her way to the front of the room where Eddie is sitting.

He looks like he's brooding, his eyes tight shut, his forehead creased with worry. She pulls up another chair and puts it next to his. She leans over and rests her head on his shoulder. "I explained to Ellie." Eddie's eyes flick open and a smile plays with his lips. "Well, I did miss the out bit about the bigamy, but I don't think they need to know about that." Rachel whispers, so that Ellie doesn't hear, as Eddie slips his arm around her back.

"Thank you, Rach."

"Doesn't matter. I just wanted her to know." They slip back into silence, for a few seconds.

"You married Melissa. Was it legal?" She can't help but ask, her mind wondering, but also knowing that Eddie wouldn't marry her if he knew she was still married to her other husbands.

"Yes, it was legal." Eddie says, shaking his head. "She was telling the truth when she said she went to the police. She got fined, that's all. Thank god she didn't get sent to prison…" Eddie trails off. "Her second marriage to Philip's dad got voided because she was still married to her first husband, and she just had to get divorced from him, which she did. We got married when Alex was two." Eddie explains, quietly.

"And you got divorced because she had an affair?" Eddie nods, turning his head away.

"We didn't marry for love; you know that, don't you Rach? We married for Alex's sake. Not really a good basis for a marriage, but we muddled through, until, well, I found out she was sleeping with a bloke from work. I didn't think it would hurt, because, because I never loved her, but it did. We were still married even if it wasn't for the right reasons." Eddie admits, softly."When I found out about her affair, I confronted her." He pauses, taking a breath. "And that was the first time either of us mentioned you in a decade." He continues, his voice cracking. "Melissa brought you up." This fact surprises Rachel. "Yeah, took me by surprise as well." Eddie says, nodding. "She said something like 'What was I supposed to do, Eddie? Come home to a freezing cold bed, and lie next to you - the man I love, my husband - but never holding him because I know and you know that you're always going to love my sister more than me?'" Rachel can't help but feel sorry for Melissa and for Eddie, because they were trapped in a loveless marriage for so long. "It wasn't always like that." Eddie says, as Rachel's eyes flick to her watch. The bell for break is about to go and Rachel registers surprise that no one has been sent to the cooler this lesson. "We tried, we really did, but I think we both knew that there was no point because I loved you. Neither of us wanted to bring it up, until Mel did."

Rachel nods, as her prediction comes true and the bell rings. "Ellie?" Rachel calls out, and her daughter turns to face her, taking off her headphones as she does so. "It's break – go chat to your mates. But please, please don't tell anyone what I told you. It's private." Ellie gets up, pushing her chair back under the desk.

"What if they're gossiping about you out there? I can bet you they will be."

"Then you say nothing. Your mother is big enough to take care of herself, Ellie." Rachel informs her daughter, giving her a squeeze on the shoulder in support. Ellie swings her bag over her arm and pushes the door open, not leaving before she turns back.

"I'm I allowed to call you Dad?" The question flummoxes both of the adults. To be honest, Rachel thought that Ellie would kick up more of a fuss than she has. Rachel didn't think she would be as accommodating as she has, but her daughter has definitely surprised her on this count.

"Only if you want to, Ellie." Eddie replies, quietly. Rachel watches him as he watches their daughter, and she can see the love in his eyes.

"Okay, Dad." She says, smiling, as she leaves the room. Rachel thinks that maybe she's worked out why Ellie has been as accepting of the situation as she has; she's never had a dad, but now that she's finally met him, she wants to embrace it full on – not giving a damn about how and why he's never been there for her before. Rachel turns back to Eddie, smiling as well. She takes a step towards him, and he reaches out for her. They stumble into an impromptu hug.

"Thank you for giving me such a wonderful daughter." He whispers, softly. She breaks the embrace, glancing at her watch. "I'm so glad I didn't need to teach first." He says, with a light chuckle.

"I think I need a coffee. Staffroom?" She asks, making her way to the door. Eddie nods and as she crosses out into the hallway, she feels happier than she has in a long time – even though the situation isn't perfect. They still need to find Alex and finish explaining, but Rachel is optimistic. She turns back and looks and Eddie, still wondering when this dream will end and she will wake up. Then Eddie puts his hand on her arm and she knows this is as real as it can be.

...


End file.
